so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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