he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
