So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
