what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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