Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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