Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
