Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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