Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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