i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
