I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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