Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
