I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
