I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
