so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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