Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
