where am i from again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
