I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
