Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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