I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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