I think my vagina is haunted
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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