Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
