It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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