so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
