When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize