so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
