How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
