you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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