She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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