My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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