It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
True strength comes from lack of pants
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize