she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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