Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize