I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
