I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
