You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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