Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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