You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
