I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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