i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
