nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
