just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had sex on a roof
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
