you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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