I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
