i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
