So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
