y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
