I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize