i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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