I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
