I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
