haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
