New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize