Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
