no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
