I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
