youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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