If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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