All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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