mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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