and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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