We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
me + whiskey = a bad person
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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