You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
