No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
