come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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