is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
