As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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