my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
