just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
