Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
