that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I want is dick and wine.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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