wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
