Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
