There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize