i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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