he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize