I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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