Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
