I wish they made helmets for livers.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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