just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
