omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
