If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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