She said her name was "party"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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