I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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