i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
