I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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