"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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