I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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