i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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