why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
