i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
