Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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