I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
