By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we're making bets on your personal life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
