i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
