mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
