I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
