I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
