His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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