If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
