The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
