Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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