explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
