would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
