He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize