You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
