You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
