what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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