Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
