Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
