she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
