and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
