just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Shame is for Republicans.
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