I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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