Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
